


Wounds and Bruises

by ScarletAffection



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Awkward Sex, Bottom Levi Ackerman, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Smut, Top Eren Yeager, canonverse, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:02:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25821835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletAffection/pseuds/ScarletAffection
Summary: Wall Maria has been recovered but the mission's success came with a heavy price. Levi is coping with grief and regrets while Eren is being disturbed by visions since he kissed Queen Historia's hands. They both need solace and clarity but will they also be willing to acknowledge the feelings that have blossomed for the last five years? Would they be willing to gamble in love at a time when their very existence remains in peril?
Relationships: Levi & Eren Yeager
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. An aching void

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is the first fanfic that I have ever written. I was inspired by the amazing works that I found and subscribed to on this website. This is basically my version of what could have happened after the retaking of Wall Maria and before the Scouts set out for the ocean. I originally planned my first fanfic here to be a one-shot but I got caught up in the writing and it turned out longer than expected.  
> Here, Eren is 20 years old for 5 years have passed since he entered the Survey Corps. Levi is 37 if he was 32 at the time Eren was entrusted to his supervision.  
> Comments and suggestions are very much appreciated. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin and any of the characters here.

Things are colder now than what they seemed days ago. The hallway that used to be bustling with life echoed with silence as a feeling of emptiness wraps around the early evening air. Tired but steady footsteps are the only sound permeating the atmosphere of gloom in the building that used to bustle with activity and people.  
Levi paused momentarily in front of Erwin’s office, feeling a certain sting in his chest but he quickly shrugged it off and kept walking toward his own quarters. He had made a decision and he will not allow himself to feel any ounce of regret about the results of that decision. Erwin would surely want him to do just that.  
The captain slowly opened the door to his quarters, adjusting his eyes to the darkness that waited for him beyond the doorway. Grabbing a match, he lighted a lamp sitting atop his desk positioned near the windows. The flicker of light eventually spread to the entire room as Levi gently slid his heavy jacket off his shoulders and carefully laid the garment in a nearby chair. Tugging at his cravat, he debated with himself if he would bother going to the mess hall to eat. Hunger hardly manifested itself intensely enough since the nine of them returned from the mission to retake wall Maria. He could not bring himself to eat or sleep at all. Sometimes, he just wants to stay cooped up in his quarters and people have been considerate enough to leave him to his thoughts. He just had to drag himself out of bed early this morning because of the ceremony that they had to attend at the capital. 

The ceremony was supposed to bestow accolades for the nine valiant scouts who managed to survive the devastating battle that ensued with the mission to retake wall Maria but instead of the festive atmosphere common to these kinds of occasions, the air hung heavy with regret, accusations, and grief. Losing Commander Erwin was the biggest blow of all although the price paid with the lives of the new recruits is just as heavy and daunting. All of these weighed heavily on Levi's shoulders as he was the one who made the call at that time. But the deed has been done, they were able to retake wall Maria thanks to the sacrifice of the many brave souls who charged into their deaths just to ensure the success of the mission.

Levi took off his boots, unfastening the tangle of straps that hugged his body as a support for the OMD gear that was conspicuously absent from his waist. The people from the capital are uneasy with the notion of seeing the Scouts all strapped up like they were going into battle and not to a formal event. But Levi felt naked without the familiar straps wrapped around his lean torso so he just chucked the OMD gear but left the straps in place just in case something happens and they need to gear up suddenly. He was about to unbutton his shirt when he heard a light knock on the door.

“Captain? Are you asleep?”

It was the brat. The titan brat he took under his wing almost five years ago. The insufferable Eren Yaeger who managed to worm himself, albeit unknowingly, into the Captain’s stony heart. 

“You know I don’t do that, brat. Rest maybe, but sleep is for the weak.” He said in his usual deadpan manner as he opened the door. Eren is still in the attire he wore for the ceremony earlier. The brat has grown a lot in the last five years and he has muscled up quite a bit in all the right places. But a lot has changed in him. It is evident with the almost dull set of his usually bright emerald green eyes. The kid has been through a lot. Eren coughed awkwardly and Levi just realized that he has been eyeing the brat quite a little too apparent for his own liking. He quickly snapped out of his thoughts to look deeply into those green orbs that have fascinated him ever since the day he met Eren in that filthy dungeon.

“Well, I kind of expected that from Humanity’s strongest.” Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance as he stepped aside to let Eren walk into the room. “Would you mind if I stayed with you tonight, Captain?”

Levi’s eyes went wide with surprise. “Why? Did you have a fight with Armin?”

Eren carefully took off his boots and placed them near the door. He was not about to piss his captain off by tracking dirt inside his immaculate room. “Not really. But I can’t bear to be around him right now. He still kept saying that Mikasa and I shouldn’t have convinced you to save him instead of Commander Erwin. Kept going on about him being unworthy and I just can’t take all that shit right now because honestly, I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit myself right now. I thought that maybe, you can hear me out better, Captain?”

Levi sat on the chair behind his desk as he motioned to Eren to sit in the chair at the other side of the table, keeping as much distance as possible to the brunet with messy hair and tantalizing eyes that can distract Levi in a way that he finds it hard to keep that stoic façade up when talking to the kid. “What do you want to talk about, Eren?”

Eren wrung his hands awkwardly, the fiery glint in his eyes back as he gazed at the wooden floor before meeting Levi’s blue-grey eyes in a desperate glance. “You see, ever since we recovered my father’s journal; I have been having these visions. Scenes from the past, present, and maybe even the future that sometimes I do not know reality from visions anymore."Eren ran his hand through his messy brown locks. ‘’And when I kissed the Queen’s hand earlier, I saw terrifying scenes in my head and felt that we were all moving according to a planned destiny that was set up from the start.” Levi eyed Eren with piqued curiosity. 

“Interesting. So, you wanted my help to help you make sense of those visions? Why not ask Hanji? She is better in these things, actually.” In reality, Levi was glad the kid came to him. Aside from the fact that Hanji would more likely confuse the kid more with her mindless chatter about Titans and Science, he liked the feeling that the kid actually considered him as a confidante despite the shitty way he has treated the kid ever since he was put under his supervision. 

Eren squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. “Well, I think I kind of owe you since the incident with the Titan serum happened. I wanted to apologize for the way Mikasa and I acted towards you. I just realized that it must have been very hard for you at that time and all we can do is act like the shitty brats that you have known us to be." Levi felt a familiar knot in his throat as he remembered the emotional scene that led to losing Erwin and Armin becoming the new holder of the Colossal Titan’s abilities.

“I did what I had to do.” Levi simply said, unwilling to dwell on the moment. “I told you before that I do not always know the right answer. I just picked the choice that I would regret less in the future. Besides, Erwin has always believed in Armin’s potential at strategy and warfare; he would have asked me to do the same if he was given the choice”.

“Commander Erwin was very important to you. I cannot even begin to imagine how you must have felt at that time. I’m really sorry for being so selfish.” Levi lifted his gaze to Eren’s face which was flushed pink with embarrassment that he nearly chuckled at the adorable sight.

“Erwin was a capable commander, a friend, a confidante. I respected his decisions even if I do not always agree with them. But we respect each other’s flaws and strengths”. Levi did not notice the faint glint in Eren’s eyes as he was too busy remembering the many clashes he and Erwin had in the past over the commander’s uncanny way of carrying out missions. He did not see the next question coming.

“Did you love him? As a lover?”

Levi almost fell from his seat at that question as he sputtered for an intelligent reply but failing miserably in that endeavor.

“Shit! What was that all about, you brat!?” Levi felt the heat creeping up his cheeks as he glared at Eren who looked embarrassed as well but still able to hold his gaze confidently. This kid would be the death of him, Levi thought.

“It was just a question. No need to be so worked up about it, Captain.” Eren kept his tone even but he was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. He needed to ask these questions or he would never have the chance to ask them again. The remaining scouts would surely be busy in the one month that they are given to prepare for their next expedition beyond wall Maria. This has been the question that has been bugging Eren since the day the commander and Levi talked to him in the dungeon. There was the air of familiarity between his two superiors that surpassed the bond between comrades and he really wanted to know if the Captain is capable of feeling that way for a man.

“I don’t have to answer that question. It’s no business of you to know who I sleep with.” Levi’s terse answer is just one of his many ways to defend himself when faced with awkward situations such as this. Most of the time, it worked. But with Eren having that dangerous glint in his eyes, Levi was afraid that it would take more than that to force the brat to abandon the subject.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. You don’t have to be embarrassed, really. I understand.” Levi eyed Eren suspiciously. It was uncharacteristic of Eren to just give up like that after coming up with such a ridiculous assumption. But Levi was afraid to give Eren the impression that his suspicion was true, he did not want to besmirch the dead commander’s reputation after all that he has sacrificed for this fucking nation. People can talk and Erwin was not around anymore to defend himself.  
“Oi, brat! Don’t go gossiping about your superiors with the other soldiers. Erwin died a martyr, he does not deserve this.” Levi stood up abruptly, wanting to give the kid a piece of his mind but debating whether it would be better to just throw him out of the room. But Eren beat him to the door, standing with his back flush against the wood.

“This is not about the commander. This is about you, Captain!” Eren said tersely, fearing the wrath of his superior. He had gone too far, the words came out wrong and now his Captain was mad as hell. Eren had never been good with words and he shared that trait with the short-tempered Captain glowering at him right now. “I just want to know if you are capable of feeling something other than camaraderie with others.”You see, I..” Levi cut him off harshly, grabbing the collar of his shirt and lifting him off the floor.

“Shitty brat!” Eren flinched, expecting Levi to hit him with his powerful fists but felt himself being flung aside as he struggled to stand up despite his shaking knees. He felt more desperate than ever as he saw Levi turn his back on him to go to the bathroom connected to his quarters. “Stay there, brat! I just need to shower first. I feel filthy as shit! I’ll deal with you later.” Without looking back, Levi stormed to the bathroom as Eren let out a sigh of relief. He felt devastated. He glanced at the closed door of the bathroom. A few minutes passed before he let out another pained sigh before he approached the chair he was sitting on earlier.

“I love you, my Captain. Always had, always will. Too bad you would only see me for the brat that I am.” Eren muttered softly to himself as he sank into a chair and buried his face into his hands.


	2. Burns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A light banter between the Captain and the Titan brat. There is a song that is supposed to be written by Eren himself but is actually the song I'll be by Edwin McCain.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin or any of the characters. The song belongs to Edwin McCain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may be subtle spoilers for those who have not finished Season 3 of the Attack On Titan anime. This chapter focuses on the dynamics of Eren and Levi's relationship with regard to everything that they have discovered in the basement. This is mostly dialogue and I added a song to help with the mood-setting. 
> 
> You can listen to the song here:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qrTmNDZ-nc

“Oi, brat! Who told you to sit in my bed wearing those clothes?”  
Eren almost jumped at the angry tone. He quickly followed the direction where the voice came from but just as quickly looked away, heat creeping into his cheeks, ears, and neck. The captain didn't have a shirt on and only wore a white towel around his waist. Eren did not need to look long to catch a glimpse of the rumored six-pack abs that the Captain always hid underneath his classy shirts. Damn! Eren thought to himself. How could someone so short be that ripped? He slowly got up and started walking towards the door when something soft and fluffy hit the back of his head. It was a towel and it was wet. Eren stood nailed to the floor, afraid to look back at the probably naked Captain.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going? I thought that you could not stand being in the same room as Armin right now?” 

“But you don’t want me sitting in your bed.”Eren reasoned out, still with his back turned to the diminutive but the very captivating captain. 

“Because you are still in the clothes that you wore to the Capital earlier. Who knows what germs you brought here with you.” Levi explained tersely and Eren can hear a closet being opened and shut again, thinking that the captain may be getting into his sleepwear. Eren’s heart almost stopped beating, wanting badly to have a good look at the chiseled chest that sometimes manifested in the Captain's shirt every time he got wet from the rain or drenched in his sweat. Eren bit his lower lip slightly to stifle a moan at the thought.

“But I did not bring any clothes with me.” Eren reasoned out, trying to keep his voice even.

“You can borrow mine, I still have some of Erwin’s clothes here. Sometimes his bathroom gets all clogged up because he can’t find enough time to clean it well and he will use my bathroom instead. Of course, these are all washed well.” Again, that pang of jealousy twitching into Eren’s gut. The thought of the commander spending time in this room arousing a wave of anger deep into the younger men’s heart.

"Well, it's a good thing. You will always have something to remember the Commander by."Eren bit his tongue but he had already uttered the bitter words. Suddenly, rough hands are grabbing his shoulder and turning him around, forcing Eren to lock eyes with a very angry Levi.

“Do I have to spell it out for you? Erwin and I were never lovers, brat! Get it through that thick skull of yours!” Levi flicked a finger into Eren’s forehead and Eren involuntarily took a step back. The Captain was dressed in a light grey button-up shirt hanging past his lean but muscled calves. He did not bother with pants at all. Eren was distracted at the sight before mumbling a half-thought reply.

“Okay, fine. No need to be furious. Geez!” Eren rubbed his forehead with the wet towel that he was still holding. The brunet suddenly realized that this towel was the one wrapped around the Captain’s waist earlier when he went out of the bathroom. He stifled an urge to bury his face into the wet cloth just to wrap the Captain’s smell around his head. Levi would surely get creeped out by that. Suddenly, the towel was yanked away from his fingers.

“I’ll give you another one, this one’s wet. You better take a shower first before you lie in my bed. I don’t want your germs crawling all over the damn place.” Levi said as he opened one of the drawers, dragging out another white and fluffy towel before tossing the said towel back at Eren who slowly inched his way to the bathroom. 

“I’ll just go to the kitchen for a cup of tea, would you like some for you?” Levi said as he opened the door to go outside.

“No, thanks! Maybe a glass of water? And you would go to the kitchen in that?” Eren asked incredulously, jutting his chin forward to indicate the button-up shirt that did little to hide the Captain’s muscled limbs. Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance.

“There are hardly any people around at this time of the night. And besides, I do this all the time.” Levi said as he slipped out of the door. Eren stood there blushing for a while before continuing towards the bathroom. He badly needed a cold shower to get the picture of a half-naked captain out of his head. 

Eren had just slipped into a button-up shirt that reached way past his mid-thighs. He wouldn’t even need pants for this, he thought as he pulled on the black boxers that came with the shirt and the soft pants. Weird, he thought. This couldn’t have belonged to Erwin, the boxers were a good fit on him. He imagined Erwin to be way bigger than him. Maybe this was Levi’s he thought, with a small grin on his lips. He never thought that they wore the same size of underwear what with the Captain’s round and perky ass…shit! Eren, come on! You can’t afford a boner in this situation, he scolded himself. Just then, the door opened and Levi came in holding a tall glass of water. Wordless, the Captain handed him the glass and his cool fingers slightly grazed Eren’s own. Eren gulped audibly before speaking.

“I thought you would be having your tea?” Levi shrugged his shoulders as he sat into the bed, the hem of his shirt rising dangerously high giving Eren a peek at his black boxers underneath. So, the boxers were his, Eren thought.

“They ran out of it. Supplies arrive tomorrow but I don’t mind.” Levi ran a hand into his still wet, raven-black hair. Eren could almost see smoke coming out of his body. Damn, this man is really hot as hell. Eren put the glass against his lips and downed the water in one gulp, some drops escaping his lips and dribbling into his chin before slipping underneath his shirt’s collar. 

Levi eyed the lone drop of water rolling along that tanned neck hungrily. He lifted his gaze to see Eren’s eyes appraising his body as well and he looked impressed. Damn this brat! He could make Levi feel lots of things with those gorgeous eyes of him. Who knew a kid could look that beautiful? Levi cleared his throat to shatter the awkward silence that has settled in the room. He crossed his arms across his chest and leaned against the desk with his torso at the level of Eren’s face as the brunet sat in his bed.

“So, what do you want to talk about, brat?” Eren was startled with the sudden change of topic. He coughed awkwardly to clear his head before speaking in an even tone.

“Well, you see…it’s like we are left with more questions than answers after we found my father’s journals and I can’t help feeling that a lot of things will change drastically after our next expedition.” Eren kept the details of the visions that he had hidden from the Captain because he did not know how the older man would react. The future is dark and foreboding, holding secrets that Eren was not yet prepared to delve into. He would have to deal with those later when the Scouts venture out into their next expedition. For now, he wanted this moment with his Captain. They may not have a future together but Eren refused to dwell on what was to come. He was surprised when Levi spoke up.

“Things always change. For the better or for worse, it just happens. We just have to deal with it.”

“You make it sound so simple, Captain.” Eren smiled bitterly, thinking of all the comrades they lost in the past operation. These comrades included the fresh recruits who had the misfortune of dying in their first mission as Scouts.

“This way, it is easier to survive, to continue. We can’t hold on to regrets if we want to move forward. Time won’t wait for us to recover so we just have to keep pressing forward.” As usual, Levi is very calculating yet straight forward with his words. He has always been like that and it has served him well in dealing with loss and failures. But the Captain knew that Eren needed more from him at this moment but he did not know how to give that to him. Despite his stoic demeanor he also felt grief and pain but tried hard to push those feelings away. As a Captain, he is always expected to be strong and calm in the face of difficult situations. 

“If you knew that you would die tomorrow, what would you do?” Levi was surprised at the question but gave an honest answer nonetheless.

“I would drink all the tea I can find in the supply room. “ Or maybe fuck a certain green-eyed brat until he falls asleep with exhaustion, Levi thought to himself suddenly finding the way the shirt rides up the brunet’s tanned and toned thighs deliciously sinful. “How about you, brat?”

“Well, since I only had roughly seven years or less to live, maybe I would sleep with any willing female. Who knows? I might even leave behind a child, at least I would leave something of me behind." Pain and bitterness are evident in his voice and the Captain did not miss the frustration in the younger man's voice. 

“Oi, not a good idea, brat! Do you know how it feels to grow up without knowing your father?” Eren’s word stung Levi because the thought of him sleeping with another; and a woman at that, burned a wide hole into the Captain’s heart.

“Sorry, I know that was quite immature of me. But seriously, getting rid of my virginity before finally rolling up and dying seems very interesting.” Eren glanced secretly at Levi who suddenly looked pink in his pale cheeks. “Wanna know how that feels like and if adults are just overrating the whole thing.” Eren chuckled softly and self-consciously. “How about you, Captain? When did you first do it with someone?”

The direct question caught Levi off-guard as he almost slipped off the desk he was leaning at the time. He debated on telling the truth or making up an outright lie just to save face. In the end, he just muttered a terse reply. “I haven’t done it yet with anyone.” Eren’s eyes glittered wide in the flicker of the lamp illuminating the room.

“Why not?” Eren asked innocently, lifting his face to look directly at Levi’s face and he held his breath. The captain’s face was flushed pink and his long bangs covered his eyes as he looked down at the floor. “I mean, many girls would kill just to have to share your bed. Why is …?” Eren was harshly cut off by Levi’s reply. 

"Well, it's because I just want to do that with someone who I like enough to do the disgusting task of exchanging bodily fluids with that person."Eren cringed at the graphic description, Captain surely has a way with words. “A horny brat like you would never understand that.” 

Eren flinched at the insult. “I’m not a brat anymore, I just turned 20 remember?” Oh, the brat’s face was priceless, flushed red with anger and embarrassment.   
“Anyway, if it means anything at all, I would also like my first time to be with someone that I do care about. But time is not on my side. I would sooner die than get laid.” Damn the brat has a crude tongue. Wonder where he got that from? Levi felt embarrassed as he realized that the brat has been practically under his wing for the past five years of exploring his titan abilities. The truth came back hard and bit him in the ass.

“Oi, enough of that talk, brat! You’re embarrassing me.” Feeling his knees weaken from standing up for so long. Levi sat beside Eren on top of the bed, keeping his distance as he willed his heartbeat to slow down. All these talks about sex have awakened in him an aching need for release. It would be disgusting to sport a boner in front of the brat. Not when they are both dressed for the occasion. If only the brat felt the same way.

“Serves you right for always chiding me about my age. I did not choose to be born later, you know?”Eren held a hand up to his mouth as Levi’s head snapped sideways to look at him intensely.

“What do you mean by that, brat?” Levi’s heart was beating wildly in his chest. Could it be?

Eren sighed audibly. "I know this sounds fucking stupid but I have always wished to be much older than I am. Like maybe ten years older? So that age wouldn’t be too much of an issue anymore.” Eren looked at Levi through his long lashes, Levi has a look in his face that encouraged him to continue. “You see, I thought it was just some kind of hero worship on my part because I never really had an imposing male figure to look up to since my father disappeared. But some feelings have surfaced in the course of those few years that pointed to a different feeling. Feelings that I did not want to acknowledge because everybody said that it is not right to fall in love with your superior.” At that, Eren looked straight at Levi’s eyes, trying to read the emotions beyond that ever-stoic expression.   
Levi tried to rein in his emotions. Clearing his throat, his voice sounded huskier than he intended it to be. “Yes, people would talk. I know that much is true.” Eren waited with bated breath but the Captain did not seem to know what to say. Eren practically confessed his feelings to him but he does not know how to respond! But Levi still wanted to be sure that they are on the same page. “This superior officer, do I know this person?” 

Levi was surprised when Eren let out a burst of nervous laughter. "You know him well enough, Captain. I know that much is true." Eren giggled as he made a poor imitation of Levi’s earlier statement. Levi sat dumbfounded as Eren scooted closer to him. Laying a tentative hand on Levi’s right knee barely covered by the hem of his shirt, Eren let out a breath he did not know he was holding. “You know, Captain; I even wrote a song for that person while Mikasa and I were locked up in the dungeon. Would you like to hear it?"

Levi absently scooted closer to Eren, feeling the heat of the younger man’s body through the thin fabric of his shirt. Eren nervously placed his left arm at the Captain’s left shoulder. Then he closed his eyes and started to hum a tune which he put together while locked up due to insubordination. 

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful  
Stop me and steal my breath  
Emeralds from mountains and thrust towards the sky  
Never revealing their depth  
Tell me that we belong together  
Dress it up with the trappings of love  
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips  
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hangs from above

I'll be your cryin' shoulder  
I'll be love suicide  
I'll be better when I'm older  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Levi closed his eyes and let himself lean towards Eren’s warmth. The words and the melody were rough and raspy in Eren’s voice but the message was loud and clear. This brat also had feelings for him! Levi felt his heart working double-time to keep up with its frantic pace. He was afraid he is going to die of a heart attack right there in Eren’s arms. Eren continued singing unmindful of the battle raging inside the Captain in his arms.

And the rain falls angry on the tin roof  
As we lie awake in my bed  
You're my survival, you're my living proof  
My love is alive and not dead  
Tell me that we belong together  
Dress it up with the trappings of love  
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips  
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hangs from above

I'll be your cryin' shoulder  
I'll be love suicide  
I'll be better when I'm older  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life  
And I've dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead  
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the thing you said

I'll be your cryin' shoulder  
I'll be love suicide  
I'll be better when I'm older  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life  
The greatest fan of your life  
The greatest fan of your life

As the last words left Eren’s lips Levi tilted his head up as his left hand gently pulled Eren’s face towards him. Emerald green orbs stared at blue-grey orbs that were unusually lit with emotion. All the sounds in the night were muted as their lips closed in on each other. It was awkward and unrehearsed but it felt right just the same. Eren’s arms went around Levi’s shoulder and crushed the Captain in a stifling embrace as Levi grabbed the back of Eren’s head to pull him closer, deeper into that searing kiss that left their souls burned and scarred to the core. 

Outside, a light rain began to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It turned out longer than intended but I wanted to capture all the tension in their interactions and I wanted the characters to be as close as possible to their personalities in the actual anime.   
> The next scene is supposed to be smut but I'm not sure if I can actually pull it off haha! Wish me luck!  
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Sore Limbs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi finally take the plunge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I have not updated this fanfic for the longest time simply because I was stuck with the smut part. This is my first M/M smut and I really had a hard time writing it but here it is!  
> So, this is more of awkward sex between two characters so do not expect things to be erotic haha! I tried to stay on the character so there are lots of dialogues between the two while doing the 'do'. Hope this lives up to your standards of smut hehe!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin and its characters.

Rain poured down in torrents, practically drowning everything in sight. Shattering the silence in the empty hallways and engulfing the world in the deafening noises of heaven’s fury raining down on mankind.

Levi was practically drowning in Eren; the scent and taste of the youngster overwhelming his senses and leaving him gasping for breath. Eren has pulled Levi down to the bed with him, still enveloped in his strong arms and assaulted with his burning lips. When the kiss ended, they looked into each other’s eyes, steel-blue smoldering against emerald green. They now lay side by side, facing each other, feeling breathless. Levi was the one who broke the silence between them.

“What do you really want, brat?” His voice was steady and firm yet his blue eyes darkened with emotions betrayed the battle he was waging within himself. Eren met his gaze unflinchingly.

“You. I want you, Captain. I have always wanted you. Like this." There was silence as Levi contemplated what the brunet said. Levi’s words were a broken whisper as he spoke.

“Why? You don’t know me. I am a monster, an aberrant…” Eren placed a gentle finger against Levi’s lips to silence him. Eren has never been this bold towards his superior but the past events had made him more daring especially from the fact that he would be dead in a few years anyway. That knowledge has spurred him to take action on the feelings that he had harbored for so long inside of him, fearing that he may not get his chance when they set out for their next expedition in a month.

“I know you enough to embrace who you are. I am a monster myself but even monsters have feelings and I hope that you feel the same way for me, Captain.”

“And if I don’t?” The words came out with a bitter aftertaste in Levi’s mouth. He hated lying. Eren seemed to saw through the lie and just pulled Levi closer against him so that their lips are almost touching.

"Then, let me change the way you feel, Captain." With those words, Eren gently claimed Levi’s lips contrasting his bold words. Levi leaned into the warmth and closed his eyes. There was no use fighting it. He needed this warmth and closeness as much as the youngster did. With death still stale in the air around them, they both needed this proof of life. To prove that their hearts are still beating and their bodies can still feel these strange emotions welling up inside of them. To feel that they are still alive.

Eren’s tongue gently licked Levi’s closed lips, asking permission to go further. Levi’s tongue slid out and issued a challenge for a duel. The skirmish was awkward and wet but strangely pleasing for both men as the kiss deepened and their hands started having a life of their own and ran freely on the other’s skin.

Eren broke the kiss and slid his lips against the soft curve of Levi’s neck as his hands reached lower to fumble against the buttons in Levi’s shirt. His fingers shook as he unbuttoned the shirt, fighting the urge to just rip them apart knowing that the Captain wouldn’t appreciate a ruined shirt. His mouth hungrily tasted the smooth skin at the crook of Levi’s neck and shoulder earning a muffled groan from the smaller man.

“Eren…” as Eren lifted his gaze to look at Levi’s face, something stirred within him.

Levi’s eyes were sparkling with unshed tears, the blue orbs stormed with varying emotions that Eren could not quite place. His own emerald orbs darkening with a desire that he did not attempt to hide from the Captain's intense gaze. “Captain?”

Levi’s thumb softly grazed Eren’s lower lip as he fought to keep his emotions in check. Eren continued unbuttoning Levi's shirt without tearing his gaze away from the Captain's face, looking for traces of anger, repulsion, or disgust in those eyes but founding none. Finally, Levi sighed in seeming defeat. "You really are a horny brat, aren't you?" he said in a soft voice that Eren seldom hear from him.

“Only for you, Captain.” Eren chuckled as he pushed Levi's shirt lapels apart, revealing the Captain's heavily-muscled torso, the pale complexion gleaming softly under the dim light of the lone candle in the room. "I have never seen Captain shirtless before." Eren breathed huskily as he pressed a kiss against Levi’s defined abs. Levi stiffened at the sensation but did not pull away.

"I do not like to brag," Levi said lightly as he ran his hand through Eren’s messy mop of hair as the younger man continued to pepper Levi’s chest with small kisses. “And I do not like to distract you further.” Levi smiled at this.

“You distract me even if you are fully-dressed, Captain.” Eren straightened up a bit, shrugging his shirt off of his shoulders and letting the fabric fall to the mattress. Eren has muscled up a bit during the last five years and he is not as lanky as when he first entered the Survey corps. Levi ran his fingers along the defined muscle ridges in Eren’s torso, arching his eyebrow in the process.

“You don’t look that bad yourself, brat.” Levi proceeded to sit as he closed the distance between them, lightly trailing his fingers at Eren’s tanned skin, admiring the taut muscles that had been honed by rigorous training under his watch. In another bold move, Eren pushed the Captain’s shirt off his shoulders, letting the fabric slide down muscled arms before being discarded in a heap beside the bed. Eren adjusted his position and moved to straddle Levi’s lean form. Slipping his hands to the small of Levi’s back, Eren pulled him closer, their chests flush against each other.

"Don't call me a brat. Not when we are this close, Captain." Eren murmured huskily against Levi’s lips. Levi leaned closer to bite Eren’s lower lip, just hard enough to make the latter gasp softly.

“Then don’t call me Captain either.” Levi ran his palms against Eren’s sides as he urged the boy closer, feeling a hardened muscle against his abdomen. Levi smirked as he trailed his hand along the boy’s back, down his spine before grabbing a nicely rounded ass, earning another gasp from Eren. He instinctively ground his hips against Levi’s slowly hardening member earning a growl from the latter. Levi grasped Eren’s hips to still the latter’s movements as he fought to keep his control over his body. “Don’t be too eager, Eren. We have to take this slow, I do not want you turning titan on me.” Levi whispered as he looked Eren straight in the eyes, taking note of the red blush covering the latter’s face and neck.

Eren sucked in a breath before leaning forward to kiss Levi’s shoulder. “I can’t wait any longer, Levi. I have wanted you for too damn long.” Eren surprised Levi by pulling back and pulling down his boxers in a single fluid movement, revealing his erect and throbbing maleness. “See what you do to me, Levi? I have always felt discomfort like this when you come near me even if we are in public. It’s so damn frustrating especially with our tight uniform pants that leave little to the-“ Eren’s words were cut-off by Levi’s lips pressing gently against his open mouth. Levi snaked his hand at the back of Eren’s head to keep their lips together while his other hand reached for Eren’s swollen member, running his fingers along the length of it and thumbing the tip which has a single bead of precum nestled against the heated skin. Eren let out a throaty moan against Levi's mouth as Levi explored the wet cavern with his skillful tongue running along every inch of Eren’s mouth as his other hand gently fisted the other man’s throbbing erection, moving his hands up and down slowly as he would do to his own erection whenever he needed release. Eren’s hands ran along the taut planes of Levi’s back as he pulled the older man closer, his hips rutting against the movements of Levi’s hand. Levi released Eren’s mouth to graze his teeth against the youngster's neck, grabbing a fistful of brown hair and yanking Eren’s head backward to give him more access to the smooth tan skin of Eren’s throat. Eren threw his head back lustily as Levi’s hand and mouth pleasured him.

“Levi, ungh!” Eren’s breath came in short pants as the sensations threatened to make him lose all reason as Levi continued planting open-mouthed kisses to his neck, biting gently now and then while his tongue licked the heated skin. Eren hadn’t expected any of this from his Captain as he was so used to the stoic and emotionless façade of the man that seeing that same man touch him and kiss him so intimately threatened to blow him apart.

Hearing Eren’s moans and whimpers are doing things to Levi’s body that he never thought he was capable of feeling up until that moment. He had never wanted anyone as much as he wanted Eren right now and that is saying something since he did have his share of attention and advances from men and women alike during his brash and hormonal phase as a teenager. But he never got too far with anyone since he is too particular with cleanliness and hygiene that having casual sex isn't something that he allowed himself to get into before. Hell, he knew his body and he can facilitate his own release if needed even if he wouldn't have a shortage of willing accomplices if ever he chose to seek them. He cannot imagine exchanging bodily fluids with people who are practically strangers to him but he also never had the chance to go into a serious relationship with anyone considering the world that he grew up on. He had never known affection aside from the ones from his mother and his deceased friends so it was quite hard to give out affection to others as well.

But Eren is different. He had looked after the youngster, trained him, protected him, disciplined him like his own son but the feelings did not stop there. He was drawn to the boy as he watched him mature and grow stronger under his tutelage. Their age was the primary reason why Levi has worked extra hard to quell any blossoming attraction brought about by familiarity and connection that were inevitable in their current situation. But a lot of things have happened and Eren is inevitably going to die young because of the curse of his titan abilities. Levi had decided at that time that he was willing to take his chances even if it meant eventually getting his heartbroken when Eren eventually dies. He never wanted to regret any chances that he didn’t take, but Eren beat him to the draw, and here they are now, threatening to go up in flames in the heat of their mutual desire for each other. 

Levi was brought back to the present with Eren’s louder moans and frantic thrusts against his hand. He sensed that the youngster is nearing his release so he gently pulled away. Eren looked at him, confused with the sudden absence of Levi’s hands on his skin.

“Levi, what’s wrong?” Eren gently smoothed back the black locks to look into Levi’s eyes, afraid to find out the reason why the older man suddenly stopped touching him.

“Not so fast, Eren.”Levi clicked his tongue. Eren furrowed his brows in confusion, his breathing slowly going back to normal but his erection still strained against Levi’s abdomen, aching for release. Then, his face relaxed as the realization hit him like a gust of wind, he gingerly placed his hands flat against Levi’s muscular chest and was rewarded with a soft gasp from the older man. “Touch me, Eren.” It was a whisper but Eren heard it as if it was a loud command from the Captain.

Levi suddenly found himself pushed back into the bed as Eren hovered above him naked, straddling his hips and pressing his ass against his still clothed member. Eren leaned down to place a chaste kiss on Levi’s mouth but Levi had other plans. He yanked Eren closer by weaving his fingers against those brown locks and grasping tightly to keep their lips connected. As their tongues engaged in intricate swordplay, Eren’s hands roamed around the muscular expanse of Levi’s torso. When he found a pert nipple, he gently stroked it with his thumb earning a muffled groan from Levi. He gently rolled the erect nub between his thumb and forefinger while his other hand kept on memorizing each hard ridge of muscle in Levi’s abdomen.

Eren tore his mouth off Levi's mouth and proceeded to kiss his way down the pale skin of the other man's neck, chest, and rock-hard abs. Levi's gaze followed the sensuous path, lower lip caught in his teeth as his cheeks heat up in the actions of his lover. Eren gently nuzzled Levi's arousal, mouthing through the thin fabric, leaving open-mouthed kisses at the hard ridge straining against the thin garment. Levi's head threw backward, his slender fingers grasping the bedsheets as he felt Eren’s hot breath against his aching maleness still confined in his boxers. Eren looked up from what he was doing, grasping the waistband of Levi’s boxers he looked towards Levi, seeming to ask for permission from his Captain. Levi met his gaze, nodding in compliance. With that gesture, Eren slid off the boxers down the length of Levi’s muscular thighs all the way down his ankles letting the undergarment fall in a heap beside the bed. Levi’s erect member sprang into attention and Eren gasped at the sight.

“Captain, how can you be so huge?” Levi chuckled at the genuine shock in Eren’s voice. “I mean, how do you even fit that in those tight pants?”

“I was never this hard before, brat. I lost the drive for these things long ago.” There was a hint of sadness in Levi’s voice. He thought that he was incapable of being sexually excited at all because of all the tragedy befalling his loved ones. Relationships seemed out of the question because every time he got too close to a person, that person will either leave or die. He liked to think that given his superhuman abilities, maybe this was his curse, to never find someone who will last long enough to be in his life and his heart. Hell, he even had his own walls built around his fragile heart to keep people from getting too close to him, close enough to be able to break his heart again. Everything went according to his plans until Eren came barging into his life, climbing over those walls he tried so hard to build around his vulnerable heart and letting himself in, unannounced into his life.

Levi was pulled from his thoughts by the feeling of something warm and wet closing in on his erection. He looked down and locked eyes with Eren as the latter took his throbbing member inside his mouth, sliding it in an excruciatingly slow manner. Levi moaned loudly at the sensation but still managed to whisper in a raspy voice.

“Oi, brat. No teeth.” Eren hummed in agreement and Levi fisted the sheets once more, throwing his head back in ecstasy as the vibration sent jolts of pleasure straight to his groin, making him harder than he already was. “Shit, Eren!” he hissed through his teeth as he felt a familiar warmth spreading in his abdomen, coiling against his gut. “I’m close, brat.”

And then, the warmth around his rock-hard member was gone and he felt the chill of the night air permeating the room as Eren sat back on his haunches, still straddling Levi’s lips but sucking two of his fingers noisily. Levi’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“What are you doing, brat?” Eren removed his fingers from his mouth and reached behind him with brows furrowed in concentration.

“I have to prepare myself. You’re too big, Captain, I can’t take all of you without stretching myself first.” Eren explained patiently as he slipped his fingers inside his own asshole, biting his lower lip at the dull ache that resulted from the intrusion. Levi watched Eren fingering himself with rapt fascination at the faces that the younger man is making.

“Where did you learn all of this, brat? I thought you were as inexperienced as I was.” Levi sat up and ran his hands along Eren’s sides as the latter continued stretching his entrance. Eren rested his chin on Levi’s shoulder as he panted from the sensation that his own fingers are giving him.

“Heard it from the other soldiers. Heard more than my share of dirty talk all these years. You are aware that these things are happening under your nose, aren’t you?” Eren’s breath came in short gasps as his face contorted in different expressions. He was surprised when he heard a sucking sound and when he turned his head, he saw Levi sucking on his own two fingers. “No, Captain! I can do this by myself.”

“Shhh, brat! Let me help you. I don’t want to risk you turning titan at this point.”

“But I know how you feel about dirt…”

"I would not be sticking my dick up into anything I consider dirty, brat," Levi said as his hand slowly slid towards Eren hole, gently removing Eren’s fingers and replacing them with his own. As Levi gently probed Eren’s tight heat, the latter whimpered into the ears of the former and nuzzled into his hair. Eren’s fingers dug into the flesh of Levi’s shoulders as Levi moved his two fingers in a scissoring motion, stretching Eren further before slipping a third finger. Eren’s head threw back in ecstasy as he rolled his hips against Levi’s fingers. Levi mimicked the motion, gently thrusting his slender fingers in and out the puckered hole. When Levi gently curled his fingers, he hit a certain spot that made Eren shudder and gasp in mindless pleasure. Eyes closed, Eren arched his back while his fingers clutched at Levi’s shoulders as the latter continued to hit the bundle of nerves that drove the younger man into the brink of ecstasy.

“Uh, Levi!” Eren sobbed as Levi continued to attack his neck while thrusting his fingers into his entrance. “Please. I can’t…”

“What do you want, Eren?” He whispered sultrily into the youngster’s ear while he continued the assault down there.

“You!”Eren whispered brokenly as he gazed into Levi’s hooded eyes, his own green orbs clouded with desire as well. “I want you inside me.”

“Very well.” Levi withdrew his fingers from Eren’s entrance. Then he laid back into the bed, watching Eren’s flushed countenance as the youngster grappled to keep his passion in check. “Ride me, Eren.”He ordered as he grasped the brunette’s hips to support the other’s weight.

“Yes, Captain.”Eren bit his lower lip as he lifted his hips to align his entrance with Levi’s erection. As he slowly impaled himself with his Captain’s throbbing member, Levi threw his head backward as he felt the tight, wet heat enveloping his maleness.

“Fuck, Eren!”He hissed. “You’re so tight and hot!”

“You’re huge, Levi. I was not expecting this.” Eren clenched his teeth, his breathing coming out in short gasps as he struggled to accommodate all of the Captain’s thick length inside of him. Levi caressed Eren’s hips to relax him.

“Relax, Eren. Take your time. We are not rushing this. I don't want to hurt you." Levi managed to sound as emotionless as usual even if his breathing is starting to become labored because of Eren’s tight walls clenching his swollen member. He took in the sight of Eren, his tanned skin glorious in the light of the single lamp illuminating the room. The youngster’s palms are planted firmly in Levi’s firm abs as he slowly lowers himself into the Captain’s length, brows furrowed and lower lip caught in his teeth.

Eren felt the pain of his walls stretching to accommodate the intrusion of a hard member. But with the pain comes a certain sensation that is reaching far beyond sanity. The feel of his Captain slowly filling him up is an exhilarating moment for Eren as he had dreamed of this moment for many sleepless nights and now that dream has become a reality. His Captain has finally claimed him as his.

Levi waited until he felt himself completely inside Eren. Eren’s breath was coming in short gasps as he tried to relax but the pain was evident in his face. “Just move when you are ready, Eren.” Levi was surprised that his tone remained the same even if his insides were already knotted in anticipation and his breathing has become much harder in the past few seconds.

“Fuck!”Eren hissed as he felt his ass finally hit Levi’s skin. He stilled for a few seconds before looking at Levi who still lay back on the bed, eyeing his every move carefully with brows furrowed and face flushed pink. He had never seen Levi that vulnerable before, never seen him display so many emotions in those steel-blue irises that Eren can't get enough of. When he had felt adjusted enough to the Captain’s length inside him, Eren slowly ground his hips against Levi and was rewarded with the sight of the raven-haired man biting his lip and stifling a groan. Without breaking the eye contact, Eren lifted his hips as high up as his wobbling knees can allow him before impaling himself again in one smooth thrust that sent shots of pleasure careening through every nerve in his body and was rewarded with the sight of Levi throwing his head back and lifting his torso to meet Eren’s thrusts.

“Shit, Eren!” Levi groaned dramatically as Eren continued to move his body up and down the former's aching erection, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing through the din of the room's silence as the rain continued to pour in torrents outside. Eren was letting out grunts and groans of his own and Levi was just thankful for the sound of the rain that drowned out all the other noises in their surroundings, not that there would be enough people close by to actually hear them.

Levi felt Eren’s walls spasming erratically against him and sensed that the youngster is nearing his release. Anticipating Eren’s movements to turn sloppy and clumsy as he nears his climax, Levi grabbed the youngster’s hips and quickly flipped his body sidewards to exchange their positions. As he now hovered above Eren, Levi lifted one of Eren’s legs and hoisted them into his shoulder as he took control and started thrusting into Eren’s entrance in a controlled yet frenzied manner that had the youngster gasping for breath and clawing into Levi’s back with his nails.

“Fuck, Levi! Shit! Shit! I’m so close, Captain!” Eren whined pitifully as Levi continued his assault to the youngster’s puckered entrance. Levi captured Eren’s mouth in a stunningly erotic kiss as he continued to plunder the latter’s insides while Eren’s back arched against him, moving in sync with every thrust and withdrawal while making those unnatural sounds deep in his throat.

Feeling the familiar coil of release spreading in his lower abdomen, Levi broke the kiss then hoisted Eren’s other leg into his shoulder and shifted the angle of Eren’s hips. This enabled his thrusts to reach farther down and hit Eren’s prostate repeatedly, drawing an almost inhuman scream from the young titan-shifter. Eren was sobbing now, tears streaking his face as he was overwhelmed with stimulation, and the feeling of warmth enveloping his entire being. 

“God, Levi! You feel so good, Captain!”Eren sobbed as he tried to cover his face with his hands, embarrassed to show his face to the Captain claiming his body mercilessly. Without losing his rhythm, Levi gently pulled Eren’s hands away from his face, gazing into those emerald orbs with his own steel-blue irises.

“Eren, I’m close.” Levi almost dragged out the words when his throat started to close up as unfamiliar emotions shot through his chest at the sight of Eren’s tear-streaked face. Eren has been quite distant since they returned from their last expedition of reclaiming Wall Maria and seeing him back to his old, emotional countenance has tugged on Levi’s heartstrings harder than he had expected. He missed the side of Eren who was vulnerable, pure, and trusting. He missed the impulsive Eren who acted on what he felt without being plagued by memories that aren’t even his own, to begin with. He missed his brat.

Eren let out a keening cry as he threw his head back and lifted his back from the mattress and came all over Levi’s chest and abdomen, painting the pale skin with streaks of sticky liquid as his hole clenched around Levi’s member tightly. Levi followed him over with three hard thrusts of his own before spilling his seed inside Eren, filling him up with warmth as Eren’s name escaped his lips.

They lay there unmoving for a while before Levi pulled out from Eren and went straight to the bathroom to wash. He returned to the bed holding a wet towel that he used to wipe Eren’s torso and inner thighs with. Eren just lay there, sobbing quietly, still breathing in short gasps. Levi leaned down to occupy the space beside Eren, drawing the young man closer to him and tucking Eren’s head under his chin. Levi gently ruffled Eren’s messier mop of hair as Eren nuzzled closer to his neck, inhaling the older man’s sweet, musky scent. They just lay there naked in each other’s arms, trying to calm their breathing.

It was Levi who broke the silence. “Did it hurt too much, brat?” He felt Eren shake his head beneath his chin. “Then why are you crying?”

“I’m just happy to be here with you, Captain. To still be alive. To be your shitty brat once again.” Levi almost chuckled at Eren’s words. He gently kissed the top of Eren’s head.

“You will always be MY shitty brat, Eren.” Levi felt Eren still underneath his chin. Then Eren lifted his head to look at Levi’s eyes and Levi saw fear and uncertainty in those green depths. A cold panic gripped his heart but he can’t will himself to look away from those eyes. Eyes that have seen so much good and bad in this world yet stay fierce and unyielding in their beauty.

“Whatever happens in the future, I will always treasure my moments with you, Levi.” Levi furrowed his brows in confusion but leaned closer to give Eren a chaste kiss. “These are my memories and mine alone, I would never give them up for the world.” The look of fiery determination was back on those dazzling green orbs but Levi still felt that there are lots of things that Eren was not saying but he did not want to force them out from the youngster. He trusted Eren to come to him when he’s ready to talk.

“I know you would, brat. I trust you.” Eren did not reply but nuzzled closer to Levi’s neck, inhaling the scent that both calms and unsettles him. Levi pulled Eren closer, his other hand reaching for the bed covers and pulling the blanket over their entwined bodies. “Now, sleep. Tomorrow we have plenty of work. That is if you can still walk straight after tonight.” There was wry amusement in Levi’s smirk and Eren shot him a poor imitation of Levi’s death glare.

“I’m a titan. I heal fast.” Was all Eren said before snuggling closer to Levi. They both fell asleep while the rain continued its assault of the orphaned buildings of the Scout’s headquarters.


	4. Papercut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi try to make sense of what happened between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am an anime-only fan of Attack on Titan and I haven't read the manga yet but these events transpired before the Survey Corps set out for their first expedition minus Erwin and the majority of the Scouts who perished in the battle to retake Wall Maria. This basically focused on the changing dynamics of Eren and Levi's relationship.  
> The words that Levi supposedly wrote here were from an Air Supply song that really brings out the feels in me so I decided to include it in this chapter.  
> You can listen to the song here:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdkFFtKZif8
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin or any of the characters in it.

Levi awoke to unexpected silence and soft sounds of rustling fabric. He turned his head and found that the space beside him was empty and the rain had stopped, throwing a blanket of eerie tranquillity around them. Eren stood at the side of the bed with his back turned to Levi. The titan shifter was fully dressed in his wrinkled uniform and is currently folding up the shirt that Levi loaned him for the night.

“Oi, brat!” Levi’s voice was a bit hoarse and raspy and it startled Eren who almost had whiplash from turning his head back towards the voice. "Why are you up so early?"

“I still have to go back to my room, Captain.” The formal titles were back. It was as if last night was just a vivid dream; a vivid dream that was etched indelibly on both of the men’s memories. “It would be bad for both of us if anyone sees me leaving your room so early in the morning.”

Levi nodded in agreement. The brat has a point. Levi’s decision to choose to revive Armin over Erwin did not sit well with many of the soldiers. He did not need this complication in his relationship with Eren. His decision would further appear to be clouded by his personal feelings and as an esteemed Captain of the Survey Corps, he could not risk losing the respect that his comrades have left for his leadership ability. But he was also troubled that Eren has returned to that distant, quiet demeanor that seemed so unnatural for the feisty youngster. Levi was roused from his thoughts by Eren’s soft voice. The titan shifter has knelt beside the bed and is now looking straight into Levi’s eyes, the former’s emerald orbs glistening with so much emotion; fear, anxiety, fondness, regret that Levi can’t quite comprehend what Eren was actually feeling at that moment. And he used to pride himself with the ability to read Eren like an open book.

Eren leaned towards Levi’s face and planted a gentle kiss on Levi’s forehead. “I’ll see you later, Captain.”

Levi could only muster a soft clicking of his tongue. “Tch!” Then Levi reached out his hand and gently ruffled Eren’s messy brown locks. Eren beamed at him before standing up and heading straight for the door. Levi had a brief glimpse of the still dark sky beyond the door and he wondered what time it really was. There was a soft click and Eren was gone.

Levi mustered all his will power to get out of bed, resisting the urge to just bury his face into the pillows that still had Eren’s scent on them. Wrinkling his nose in disgust as he remembered what kind of events transpired in those seemingly immaculate sheets, Levi began pulling at the sheets and bundling them into his arms as he padded naked to the bathroom. He threw the soiled sheets into the hamper but kept the pillowcases unchanged. Even with the knowledge that dawn has not yet arrived, Levi still proceeded to the bathroom to take a shower and start preparing for the day ahead.

Levi busied himself on his desk, dealing with the paperwork accumulated now that Erwin was gone and he can’t trust Hanji to keep everything organized enough. Hanji is a competent leader but they are still primarily occupied with making sense of all the data that they have collected thus far. Levi wanted to unburden them by dealing with the technical side of the preparations for their next venture outside the walls. Dealing with the supplies and all the needed logistics for their next expedition is nothing to scoff at and Levi is at home in the nitty-gritty of things as he thrived in the detailed organization. But this time, it was Levi's mind that needs organizing. He still can't wrap his head around what happened last night between him and Eren. What were the implications of what they had done? Was it just a purely physical need for release? Or was it something else?

The stoic Captain caught his forehead between his fingers and gently massaged his temples. Saying that he has a lot on his plate right now is a terrible understatement. How does he deal with these unfamiliar feelings? What is the next step?

Before Levi knew it, he was writing feverishly into one of the blank papers that he used to write reports; the words flowing freely from his thoughts and emotions at the moment. He remembered the song that Eren composed for him while the titan shifter was locked up with Mikasa Ackerman for insubordination. Levi was never good at words and it showed in his poor attempt at poetry that paled in comparison to Eren’s masterpiece. Levi snatched the paper up in frustration but stilled suddenly when he felt something sharp prick his delicate fingers and the paper he was holding suddenly had streaks of crimson in it. He instinctively placed the bloodied finger inside his mouth and the metallic taste of his own blood assaulted his taste buds. Memories of the recent night when he also sucked his own fingers came flooding back to further disorient Levi and he sighed in exasperation as he stood up from his desk, the small cut on his finger forgotten as he ventured outside of his room to get himself a cup of tea. Maybe that was all he needed to get his bearings back. He just left the blood-stained paper lying on top of his neatly organized desk, neglecting to crumple it as he previously intended to.

Eren ate his breakfast in silence, ignoring the uncharacteristic silence that filled the mess hall. The loss of a good number of scouts has never been this jarring and the room echoed with melancholy. Mikasa and Armin still sat at their preferred table albeit a little distance from where Eren sat. Eren did not pay much attention to that because he still needed to sort things out by himself and he needed the space.

Eren’s mind inevitably wandered to what transpired between him and the Captain last night. As much as he wanted things to be different between the two of them, he did not know if Captain was willing to risk it. He knew that feeling this way for the older man would put him in trouble but knowing that the Captain may have felt the same way for him placed them both in a more precarious position. Eren just wanted to release all his pent-up emotions about the Captain but he was not looking to start a relationship with Levi, not after everything that he had learned about his past and possibly their future. He did not want to hurt Levi since he would inevitably die before the Captain and leaving Levi heartbroken yet again was something unfathomable for Eren.

But there was a part of him that was thrilled with the idea that Levi also had feelings for him. The part that wanted to throw caution to the wind and plunge headlong into a tumultuous affair that would surely leave both of them scarred and burnt in the end. For once, he wanted to just be selfish and take what he wanted for himself but Eren was not sure if the Captain wanted that too. Who knows? Maybe the Captain also needed release and Eren was just there to provide it willingly. It was both their first time but did that mean anything at all? Was there more to it than the physical need to feel alive in a world tarnished by death and loss?

Eren sighed. It was hard enough to read Levi’s expression and it was even harder to know what goes inside the Captain’s head. But if Levi wanted it, Eren wanted it too and he is willing to risk Levi hating him for breaking his heart in the future than letting go of something too rare to take for granted in this godforsaken world of theirs. And regardless if Eren wanted to or not, he WILL break Levi’s heart in the end and he will hate himself forever for doing it consciously. Because things are now beyond just him and the Captain, things have extended far beyond Wall Maria and encompassed uncharted territories waiting for them to explore. 

Eren was lost in his thoughts that he barely registered the person sliding in the seat across from him. There was a brief cough and when Eren looked up from his now empty plate, he met the stare of brown eyes encased in glasses that looked like goggles. Hanji held out their palm when Eren attempted to salute his commander. Their eyes were soft yet probing as they looked at Eren’s emerald orbs intensely.

“How are you, Eren?” Eren let out a small smile.

“I’ve been better but it’s okay, I guess.” Hanji nodded their head in contemplation before speaking.

“Did you have more of those visions?” Eren flinched inwardly, remembering the visions he had after kissing Historia’s hand. He did not tell anybody about it because he was afraid what the Military might do to Historia once they knew that royal blood was needed to fully harness the powers of the founding titan, especially the so-called Coordinate.

“Nothing that wasn't covered in my father’s journals.” And it was half-true. But Eren knew Hanji well enough to know that their brain works in unexpected sharpness and precision despite their seemingly eccentric personality. Hanji would figure things out by themselves sooner or later, Eren was sure of that. 

“Okay, Eren.” Hanji got up to leave but suddenly remembered something. “By the way, could you be a dear and fetch some papers for me? Levi said that he had already finished the forms needed to procure the needed logistics for our next expedition. He said that they are already on top of his desk but I needed to arrange other things with the Capitol so I can’t fetch the papers myself. Can you do that for me, Eren?”

At the mention of Levi’s name, Eren suddenly stiffened. He does not think that he is ready to face the Captain this soon after what happened to them last night. But he had no choice, Hanji would become suspicious if he refused to do a menial task such as this. Besides, Eren had an inkling that Hanji was aware of how he felt towards Levi and was just too happy for every opportunity to push him towards the grumpy Captain.

"Of course, Commander, "Eren said snappily while executing a perfect salute for his superior. Hanji grinned as they turned their back on Eren but before leaving the hall, their voice rang out once more.

“Levi seemed as grumpy as ever today. Maybe you can cheer him up.” A giggle punctuated the statement before they continued. “Just bring the papers to my office, I cleared my desk earlier so that I would not misplace such important documents. Leave them on top of my table so I can attend to them immediately when I get back from my meeting.” With those final instructions, Hanji left the hall leaving Eren to his doubts and fears.

Eren debated on knocking at the Captain’s door like he usually does but when he did, there was no response from the other side of the wooden door.

“Captain? It’s Eren, Commander Hanji sent me to fetch some papers for her.” No response, not even a sound. Curious, Eren turned the knob and found the door unlocked. The Captain must have stepped out for his perfunctory cup of morning tea. Sighing in relief, Eren quickly let himself inside, planning to get the papers concerned and make a run for it to avoid encountering the Captain. His gaze fell to the neatly stacked papers on top of the desk and he quickly picked those up until his gaze fell to a blood-stained paper with the Captain's neat handwriting on it. It did not look like any report but the way the words were arranged, it looked like…a poem?

Eren’s heart suddenly beat wildly against his chest. He remembered the song that he composed for the Captain during his incarceration with Mikasa. Did the Captain try to write a song for him too? With trembling hands, he picked the blood-stained paper and folded it quickly without glancing at the contents and quickly slipped the folded paper into his pants’ pocket. He then gathered all the paper neatly stacked on top of the desk, making sure that he got all of them in his hands before hastily making his exit. 

Eren clutched his fist to his chest, willing the beat of his heart to slow down as he leaned against the dingy wall of the toilet. He had just delivered the documents to Hanji’s office and was on his way back to his room when he spied a familiar raven-haired figure from afar and he was coming his way. Terrified to the bone of the prospect of meeting the Captain so soon after what happened last night, Eren ran to hide while Levi was still busy talking to one of the messengers from the Capitol and based on his bored expression, Eren was sure that Levi had not seen him yet. He deftly made his way through cramped spaces between buildings just to avoid the path that would inevitably lead him to bump into Levi. Eren felt stupid running around like he was being chased by titans but he was still confused about the status of his relationship with the Captain after everything that happened between them. He wasn’t even sure if the Captain wanted to see him this soon. Things might get really awkward and it would be hard for Eren to deal with that considering all of the shit that he has been dealing with daily. Sometimes, he feels like he is no longer Eren because of the unfamiliar memories haunting his dreams and even his waking hours.

But this feeling of giddiness whenever he sees the Captain, the nervous flutter in his stomach when he hears Levi's voice, and the blush that creeps into his face whenever the Captain compliments his cleaning…these feelings are uniquely Eren’s and nobody else’s.

Eren gathered his thoughts together and searched his pants’pocket for the paper he had snuck out of Captain’s office. With trembling hands, he opened the paper and saw the Captain’s familiar handwriting although his strokes seemed to be rushed and not as neat as his handwriting when he meticulously writes his reports. He squinted his eyes as he tries to make sense of the hurried scrawls in the dim light of the toilet’s lone yellow bulb. 

_All last night we lay in bed making love  
I never felt so much before with anyone  
We never had to say a word  
It was all right there  
The warmth inside us flamed and circled everywhere_

_And if I never have another love  
Well at least I had last night  
Now I know how the feeling grows  
Cause you made me come alive_

_I'll never get enough, never get enough  
Never get enough of you  
I'll never get enough, never get enough  
Never get enough of you  
I only want to give you more_

_Now you're gone, I'm all alone just lying here  
Waiting for the moment when I'll feel you near  
I never asked if you'd come back,  
I was too damn proud  
I just smiled and touched your hair  
As you walked out_

_And if I never have another love  
Well at least I had last night  
Now I know how the feeling grows  
Cause you made me come alive_

_I'll never get enough, never get enough  
Never get enough of you  
I'll never get enough, never get enough  
Never get enough of you  
I only want to give you more_

The words were unpoetic and simple yet it sounded very much like Levi. Eren felt tears well up in his eyes and a lump formed in his throat. It seemed that the Captain felt what Eren felt last night and it was not just a casual release of sexual tension. The Captain felt as lost as Eren did at that moment and he poured his heart out in trying to make a song for Eren as Eren did for him during his incarceration. Eren was puzzled with the streaks staining the paper, was it blood? Sure looked like it, was Captain hurt or wounded? Eren tried to remember how the Captain looked like last night and he did not remember seeing a fresh wound that could have been the source of the blood in this paper and he practically saw every inch of the Captain’s body up close. Eren felt his cheeks heating up at the memory of Levi exposed and naked in his arms. The knowledge that nobody has ever seen the Captain that way sent a new wave of warmth coursing through Eren’s veins. But still, he needed to hear it from Levi himself. He did not want to get ahead of himself too much.

That night, Eren lay awake in his own room, conscious of the steady breathing of Armin from the bunk above him. He waited until it was really late in the evening and the headquarters fell into a comfortably hushed atmosphere before he got up and slipped into his slippers. Stealthily, he crept out of the room and slowly closed the door after him. His footsteps were sure and determined to quickly arrive at his destination. Eren hesitated when he saw that there was no light streaming through the closed curtains of Levi’s room.

"Maybe the Captain was exhausted and fell asleep, "Eren mumbled to himself dejectedly as he turned into his heels to leave and in the process almost knocked out a figure he did not hear arrive. “Oh, sorry!” Eren mumbled in apology not even caring to look at the person he ran into.

“Tch, what are you doing here out late, brat?”


	5. Hematoma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren decide to give a chance for their relationship to foster. Unfortunately, it takes a toll on how people perceive the two of them. Eren is bothered by his visions but decided to keep everything a secret from Levi for fear of the older Scout severing their ties before Eren finally puts his master plan into action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter is quite emotional for me. I have written this a long time ago but forgot to upload it, my bad.  
> There would be no spoiler for anime-only readers in this chapter because this is still covered in Season 3. There would be smut and switching so if you are not into that then I would suggest that you skip this chapter. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer:   
> I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin nor any of the characters mentioned. Everything written here is purely from the author's overactive imagination.

“Oi, brat! What are you doing here?”

Eren’s breath hitched at the familiar voice and turned around to come face-to-face with the person he was looking for. Even after rehearsing his lines over and over again, the brunet still found himself fumbling for words in front of the Captain’s intense glare.

“Ah, uhm, I got your…letter?”

“What letter? I don’t remember sending you any.” Levi deadpanned with an eye roll even if his heart was hammering hard against his chest due to the brunet’s close proximity. The brat who occupied his mind for the whole day was now in front of him and Levi couldn’t help but remember how Eren felt in his arms, how those tanned skin felt and tasted, how Eren’s insides felt tight and warm… _shit_! Levi can’t will those images away from his mind and he struggled to compose himself to deal with the issue at hand.

Eren held out a paper streaked with blood. Levi remembered the papercut and the poem that he was writing when he sustained the minor injury to his slender fingers. He felt a shiver run up his spine.

“How did you get that?” Levi tried to snatch the paper away but Eren was quick to extend his arm way above his head, knowing that Levi would have a hard time reaching the paper. Levi sighed in surrender as he unlocked the door to his room and shoved Eren towards the now open door. “Get inside, brat!”

“Okay, okay… you don’t have to push me.” Eren tersely replied as he stumbled into the room. Levi looked around first to ensure that nobody saw them before following Eren and locking the door behind him. Then he faced Eren, leaning his body against the door while crossing his arms across his chest.

“Tch, you were gutsy as hell to come back here, brat.” Levi clicked his tongue before looking away. He could not look Eren in the eyes without the memories of last night flooding back into his brain. It was hard enough to will those thoughts away with the brat now smiling sheepishly in front of him.

“Well, I did not actually plan to come back here tonight but I couldn’t sleep.” Eren then proceeded to sit atop the well-made bed, leaning back to look at the Captain whose long bangs shielded his eyes from Eren’s scrutiny. “I didn’t know you had those words in you and I can’t help but feel like I owe you for all the effort that you put into that poem. Did you have to smear it with your blood to add to the effect?” Eren winked at the stoic older man who blushed like a teenager before stammering.

“It was a papercut, I did not expect that paper to have damned sharp edges.” Levi lifted himself from the door and proceeded to sit beside Eren but still maintained some distance between their bodies. “And I did not intend to give that to you, either. Have you been messing up with my paper works, brat?”

“The truth is Hanji sent me to pick up some papers on your desk. Your poem was just lying there neglected so I read it. It was the first poem someone made for me, actually."

“How can you be so sure it was made with you in mind, brat?”

"Well, I happened to be the one with you last night so unless you made a quick rendezvous with another Scout after I left, then it would be safe to assume that the poem was for me," Eren replied cheekily, sounding bolder and more confident than he actually felt. After what happened between him and Levi, his wariness of the Captain gradually lessened, replaced by a comfortable trust that was founded upon the many instances that the Captain was there for him; even saving his life many times. Feeling bolder than ever, Eren placed his palm in one of Levi’s thighs. “I’m glad that I was able to make you feel alive even for a brief moment, Captain.”

“Tch, cocky brat!” Levi tried to mask the nervousness in his tone with a click of his tongue. Eren’s hand felt warm against the soft fabric covering his thigh. There was tension in the air and neither of the two men spoke, afraid to disturb the mood that has permeated the air since they sat close together. Eren was the one to break the silence.

“Captain, what am I to you?”

Levi gulped audibly. The brat has become more straightforward after what happened last night and Levi did not know how to handle this. He was used to the brat following him around like an obedient puppy but this side of Eren scared him out of his wits. Realizing that he was asked a question, Levi cleared his throat awkwardly before answering.

“Look here brat, I cannot promise you anything at this point. I have never been in a relationship and I do not know how these things work. Besides, our current situation is not what you would call ideal for building relationships, do you understand that?” Eren’s eyes sparkled with anticipation. The Captain was not denying what they have, he just did not know how to deal with it. Eren is also as clueless as Levi but the thought of what would happen soon pushed the younger man to throw caution to the wind and take what he can regardless of the circumstances. Call him selfish but this is one thing that Eren wanted for himself before sacrificing everything for the sake of what he believes in. He started to speak but Levi’s lips suddenly met his own and all words were lost. The kiss started hesitantly but turned deep and passionate until Eren felt the soft mattress on his back before Levi broke the kiss and hovered on top of him. Eren smiled slightly at the Captain’s flushed face and his eyes that usually held no emotion are now glazed with lust and passion. Eren reached out a hand to smooth back the ebony strands that have fallen over Levi’s eyes.

“Have I ever told you that I really find you beautiful, Captain?” Surprise and amusement registered in Levi’s blue-grey orbs before a small smile grazed those thin lips. Levi reached out a hand to muss Eren’s hair playfully before lowering his face towards Eren and gently biting the younger man’s lower lip teasingly.

“You’re pretty too, brat. Now shut up and kiss me properly.” Eren happily obliged, pulling Levi closer in a bone-crushing embrace.

The days leading to their next expedition was a mixture of tension and bliss for Eren and Levi. Tension about knowing what is to come and all the stress included in preparing for an expedition took its toll on Levi and the Captain became increasingly grumpy as the time for their departure started to draw closer. Eren was also occupied with Hanji’s experiments and continuous training with the remaining Scouts to keep in shape. But although their days were hectic and frustratingly busy, Levi and Eren always found comfort in each other’s arms at night, away from the prying eyes of others. Levi’s sleeping quarters suddenly became the perfect getaway to leave all their worries behind even for just a few hours. Their lovemaking only grew more intense as the days passed by, contrary to what they expected. Maybe it was the fear of what the future held for them that fueled their passion and left them clinging to each other as if their life depended on it. They never had a name for what they had but Eren would like to think that this was more than just sexual release for the both of them. Levi may be a snarky and abrasive person but his kisses and touches were both gentle and passionate that Eren sometimes thinks if the Levi that he makes love to every night is an entirely different person from the stoic Captain that he fell in love with. He particularly remembered that one night when Levi allowed him to take the lead in their lovemaking and it was an experience that both touched and scared him. Eren never thought that feelings this strong could intensify with the passing of time instead of losing steam as he expected. But since they are both inexperienced in this aspect of love and life, they both had to learn to trust the other person like they usually do in combat.

The night when Levi allowed Eren to claim him as he had claimed the younger man’s body several times, Eren felt the shift in the Captain’s mood as early as dinner time. He kept catching the Captain looking at him with a curious expression and then quickly looking away when their gazes met. The other Scouts seem to be oblivious about the development in the titan shifter’s relationship with the stoic Captain or it can be that none of them wanted to comment on it in fear of Levi’s wrath. But there was something in the way Levi looked at him that day but Eren shrugged the nagging feelings off, thinking that he would have the chance to ask the Captain later that night. But Eren failed to do any of his plans as soon as the door to Captain Levi’s sleeping quarters shut down behind him. Levi uncharacteristically fidgeted nervously as he moved towards Eren and leaned into the younger man’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Levi?” Eren inhaled the Captain’s sweet scent from the ebony locks tickling his nose. He pulled Levi into a gentle embrace.

“People have been talking…about us.” Levi breathed into Eren’s neck as Eren slowly rubbed Levi’s back. “Hanji particularly asked me if I was taking advantage of you and I realized that she might be partially right.” Eren stopped in shock and gently pushed the Captain away to look into his eyes.

“Why would you think that? I was the one who kept coming to your room.”

“Yes, but I am still your superior. People are inclined to think that I was forcing you against your will, using my position to coerce you to do what I want you to do.”

“We both know you never did that. I practically begged you to touch me in the first place.”

“Which shouldn’t have happened if I was thinking straight at that time, Eren. But I wasn’t. I was lonely and depressed and…”

“Don’t tell me you are regretting all of this, Levi.”

“No, I will never regret everything that ever happened between us, Eren. It’s just too much pressure from everything and everybody. I don’t want you getting involved in all the nastiness that may happen if people found out about us.”

“But why can’t we be together? I don’t see any issues when soldiers hook up with each other to release sexual tension before and after each expedition. Why all this fuss about us?”

“Because you are you and I am me. I am supposed to kill you if ever you go bat-shit crazy on us. How am I supposed to do that if we are sleeping with each other?”

“What did you tell Commander Hanji?”

“What?”

“What did you tell her about our relationship?”

“I told her the truth. That we are lovers. She did not say anything after that.”

“Am I really your lover, Levi?”

“Of course you are, brat! What do you think you are to me?”

“I don’t know. You never told me what we are.”

“Shitty brat, do I have to spell it out for you?”

“Maybe I want to hear you say it.”

“Tch, dumbass! Eren, I know that we did not meet most pleasantly but I have grown to care for you, more than a comrade. That is why I am so insecure in this relationship. I feel that I am taking everything you offer me but giving nothing in return. Relationships are not supposed to be like that."

“But you have protected and saved me since Day 1. You have always looked after me.”

“That is my job as your superior but as your lover, I’m afraid that I still have a lot to learn.”

“Then, let’s learn together.” Eren suddenly pushed Levi towards the bed. Levi looked at him with surprise and amusement as Eren slowly pulled his shirt over his head, revealing finely toned muscles and tan skin. Levi gulped audibly before speaking in a tense and nervous tone.

“Feeling cocky, brat?” Levi gasped as Eren pressed him against the mattress, claiming his mouth in a scorching kiss that left him hot and bothered. Eren’s fingers found the buttons in the Captain’s shirt and quickly undid all of them, sliding the garment off Levi’s broad shoulders. Eren broke the kiss then and trailed his mouth against the smooth skin of Levi’s neck while his hands roamed the Captain’s body. Levi’s breath hitched as Eren’s fingers found his sensitive nipples and gently rubbed them with his thumbs. “Fuck, fuck!” Levi panted as Eren’s hips rutted against his still clothed hips. Eren let out a throaty chuckle at Levi’s eloquence. He gently bit the shell of Levi’s left ear as his thumbs continued their assault on the Captain’s pert nubs.

“So sensitive, Levi.” He chuckled as Levi snorted in reply. Levi’s face was already flushed red and his breathing came out in short gasps. “Seeing you like this makes me forget that you are the Captain who beat me up in the courthouse.” Levi’s face darkened at the insinuation.

“Are you doing this to get back on me, brat?”

“No, far from it. This is for me. This is what I have wanted for a long time.”

“What exactly do you want, brat?”

“I want to make you mine, Levi. I want to be inside you.” Eren steeled himself from the upcoming rejection by flinching and closing his eyes but it never came. Cautiously, he opened one eye to look at Levi who is smirking in amusement.

“Not bad, brat.”

“You mean you would let me?”

“Fine, you earned this for being honest. Go, get the oil before I change my mind.”

Eren practically scrambled on his feet towards the bedside table. Fumbling to open the drawer, he searched for the small bottle of oil that Levi sometimes used on his hair to keep them soft and silky. Ever since they started sleeping together, Levi always made sure that he had oil ready in the top drawer of the bedside table, easily accessible for both of them. When Eren found the bottle he was looking for, he shut the top drawer with force. When he turned towards Levi, he saw that the Captain had already stripped down to his boxers and was patiently awaiting his return. Eren thought Levi looked cute like that.

Kneeling in between Levi’s legs, Eren popped open the bottle of oil and poured a generous amount into his fingers, making sure to coat each digit well. Then he looked at the Captain who was leaning against his elbows, watching him intently. Levi sat up to slowly slide the boxers off his lean toned legs, seeing that Eren’s fingers were already coated in oil. His erection sprang free from its confinement and Eren gulped audibly at the sight. Suddenly, he was unsure what to do next. Levi had always taken charge of their lovemaking and even if Eren knew what to do, he suddenly felt unsure, afraid to make a mistake and hurt the Captain. Levi’s voice dragged him out of his reverie.

“Oi, brat, what are you doing there? My dick’s getting cold.”

That was the cue Eren needed. Without hesitation, he lowered his head to claim Levi’s erection inside his mouth. The Captain always loved getting blow jobs from Eren but this time Eren felt the need to please the Captain more since he was generous enough to give Eren the reins tonight. While pleasuring Levi using his mouth, Eren’s fingers crawled to the Captain’s virgin entrance. Slowly, Eren inserted a single digit and felt the tight flesh close in around his finger. Levi let out a hoarse moan as he threw his head back while his body still leaned on his elbows. Eren gently slid his finger in and out of the tight entrance, drawing out tortured moans from Levi. Then he inserted a second finger, making scissoring motions inside the tight hole as Levi collapsed into the bed, unable to hold himself up with his elbows anymore. Levi bit his lower lip to stop himself from making more noise than he has ever made in all the times they made love. Eren’s assault on both his hardened member and his virgin entrance is proving to be too much even for Levi, pain mixing with pleasure so intense that made heat pool into his groin and ache for release.

“Eren, hurry up. I’m at my limit.”

Eren quickened his movements, bobbing his head in sync with the thrust of his fingers after inserting a third finger. Curling his fingers inside together, he probed for the sensitive spot that would push Levi over the edge. When Levi cried out half in pain and in ecstasy, Eren confirmed that he had found that elusive spot.

“Fuck, Eren! I’m…I’m going to cum.” Levi gripped the sheets tightly as he tried to hold back longer but Eren’s hoarse whisper around his aching member sent him flying over the edge of oblivion. 

“Cum for me, Levi.” With that, Levi released his seed deep inside Eren’s throat, some of the warm liquid leaking out of Eren’s mouth and dribbling into his chin. Eren swallowed all of Levi’s seed before continuing to stimulate the Captain’s prostate. Levi cried out from overstimulation and moved his hips to meet the thrust of Eren’s fingers.

“Enough of that, brat! I need you now!” Levi barked orders, slipping back into his Captain persona. Eren chuckled as he unbuttoned his pants with one hand while the other hand continued their torturous activity. Eren reached for the bottle of oil, popped the cap open, and poured a generous amount into his own leaking member. Stroking himself gently to spread the oil evenly, he looked up at Levi who was once again propped up in his elbows looking intently at him. "Taking your time, huh?" Levi snapped at him and Eren almost laughed out loud at the Captain’s annoyed expression.

“Patience, Levi. I would not want to hurt you by going too fast.” He withdrew his fingers and Levi whined at the sudden loss of contact. Eren immediately lined up his erection into the puckered entrance and slowly pushed himself in. Levi let out a gasp and threw his head back as Eren inched his way inside him slowly. “Does it hurt, Levi?” Eren asked in concern while Levi shook his head despite his furrowed brows.

“Hell, I’ve had worse, brat. Keep going.”

“Are you sure? We could switch-“

“I’m okay, Eren. I, I want this too. I want to give this to you, at least.” Eren felt his heart swell with affection. Levi was his first and he will get to be Levi’s first too. Letting out a sigh, he focused all his attention on making the Captain feel good about his decision. With one solid thrust, he bottomed out and Levi let out a gasp in both pain and surprise. Eren stilled and waited until his lover had adjusted to the feel of Eren inside him. Levi’s brows were furrowed deeply and he was hiding the rest of his face with one of his hands.

“Levi?” Eren asked, afraid that he might have hurt his lover too much. Levi removed his hand from his face and looked at Eren with the same passion as before.

“I never thought this was what you had to endure the first time, Eren. But I’m okay now, you can start moving.” Eren leaned over and planted a sweet kiss on Levi’s lips before starting to move slowly, creating a rhythm that would be comfortable for both of them without taking his eyes off Levi’s face. He saw the pained expression slowly morph into an expression of mixed pleasure and surprise but Levi kept his eyes closed, not daring to open them for fear of showing the true emotions hiding behind those blue-grey orbs. Eren gently caressed Levi's cheek.

“Look at me, Levi.” Their gazes locked as Eren proceeded to speed up the rhythm of his thrusts earning a low growl from Levi. “You like that?” Eren asked and Levi clicked his tongue.

“Be gentle, brat. I don’t heal as fast as you.” Eren nodded in understanding, willing himself to hold back despite the build-up of the familiar heat in his loins, eager for release. He grasped Levi's hips gently and tilted it at a different angle in an attempt to change the angle of his thrusts. Levi gasped loudly when Eren hit his prostate directly due to the change in the angle. The raven-haired man threw his head back as a string of curses escaped his lips. "Fuck! Fuck! Eren, you shitty brat!” Eren chuckled at the Captain's reaction as he continued his assault on the sweet spot that has Levi sporting another hard-on despite ejaculating just moments ago. Eren closed his eyes shut then threw his head back as he felt Levi tightening around him.

“Shit, Levi! You feel so warm and tight.” Eren then proceeded to speed up his thrusts, sensing that they are both near their release based on Levi’s trembling insides. Levi gripped the sheets tightly as he felt his impending release, instinctively wrapping his legs around Eren’s waist, his heels digging into the younger man’s lower back egging the latter to go faster. The creaks of the bed mingled with the muffled moans as both men chased their release.

“Eren, I..I…” Levi was not able to finish his sentence as he came hard into both Eren’s tanned abs and his own toned stomach, painting the skin with ribbons of sticky liquid. Eren continued his thrusts, letting Levi ride his orgasm while chasing his own but he did not last long as Levi’s insides clenched around him tightly. After managing three rapid thrusts, Eren came hard inside Levi, filling up the latter’s entrance with the same warm, sticky liquid painting both their stomachs. Panting heavily, Eren felt his knees buckle and managed to pull out his now soft member before collapsing in a tired heap beside Levi, careful not to fall atop his smaller lover.

They just laid there side by side in silence, their slowly evening breaths the only sound that can be heard inside the small room. Eren felt a hand caressing his hair and he automatically turned towards his lover who was looking at him with blue-grey eyes that seemed gentler than usual. Scooting closer, Eren gathered Levi into his arms, unmindful of the stickiness between them and the soiled sheets. Levi let himself be drawn into the younger man's embrace, mentally reminding himself to change the sheets later and groaning at the thought of needing to do his laundry if he does not want to run out of bedsheets. Their nightly tryst has taken a toll on Levi's stock of clean sheets and the older man groaned in mixed annoyance and amusement.

“What’s bothering you, Captain?” Levi turned to look up at Eren who has been watching the play of emotions in his lover’s usually stoic face. Levi ran his thumb across Eren’s lower lip gently before answering.

“Nothing, brat. Just thinking about needing to do the laundry while my ass is still sore.” Eren almost sat up at that but Levi’s strong arms holding him down prevented him from doing so.

“Does it hurt that bad?” There was a look of guilt on Eren’s face as he slowly surveyed Levi’s body with worried eyes. “I should have taken it slowly but it was so hard to hold back when it feels THAT good."

“You never had good self-control, Eren.” Levi chided Eren lightly but Eren continued to sulk like a kicked puppy. “Oi, what's with that face? I was just joking brat."

“I know but I just feel so guilty for causing you pain, Levi.” Eren looked down to hide his eyes but Levi’s finger gently held his chin up to force Eren to look into his eyes, seeing the sadness in those emerald orbs tugged painfully at the older man’s heartstrings.

“Oi, brat don’t be too hard on yourself. You did what you can, it was just normal to hurt during the first time, right?” Levi then drew Eren’s head down to his chest, hugging the younger man fiercely. “You can make it up to me by washing all the sheets we have soiled these past few days.” Levi felt Eren stiffen in his arms and Eren lifted his head to look at Levi and Levi had to restrain himself from laughing at the worried expression on Eren’s face.

“How many sheets are we talking about here, Captain?”

“Well, if you count from the first time we got together…”

“What the fuck! You haven’t done your laundry since then?”

“I’ve been busy, brat. I’m sure you are aware of that.”

“But that is just…sneaky of you. You could have asked the other cadets to wash them for you.”

“And let them see the proof of our misdeeds? I don’t want them to get more evidence against us.”

Eren softened at that. “Fine, I’ll wash them early in the morning before the morning assembly so that no one will notice. But I wish you could have told me sooner.”

“We can wash them together.”

"No, Captain. That would be more suspicious. People are used to seeing me doing the cleaning for you, anyway."

“Are you complaining, brat?”

“How could I? I am cleaning for the man I respect and trust with my life. The man I love.”

Levi held Eren closer and inhaled the scent of the messy brown locks tickling his nose and Eren sighed contentedly into the bare skin of Levi’s muscled chest.

“I love you too, brat! Now get up and let’s get ourselves cleaned.”

After a few more days of relative bliss and quiet, the time has come for the Scouts to depart for their latest expedition outside the walls. The handful of remaining Scouts are all geared up early, waiting for the command to saddle their horses. Eren stole a glance at Levi who was busy talking to Hange about their journey. The titan-shifter carefully appraised Levi’s appearance, marveling at the impeccable neatness that was the Captain’s standard ever since he met him. Without Levi noticing his gaze, Eren let himself bask in the beauty that only he was intimately familiar with, committing each detail to memory lest they become lost in the rush of unfamiliar visions that tend to haunt Eren in every waking hour that he was alone in his thoughts.

Eren started to saddle his thoughts, lost in a world of his own where there was only him and Levi, sharing moments of love amid all the chaos. Alas! Eren knew that these moments would be all that was left for him to hold on to. He knew what he was predetermined to do, his duty to humanity that has to be fulfilled no matter what. A secret that he has never told anybody, even Levi. A secret that would tear him apart from the very people he had vowed to love and protect.

Eren stole another glance at Levi after mounting his horse and he saw that the Captain was looking at him curiously, perhaps noticing his brooding mood. Eren managed a small smile to reassure his lover before looking towards the still sealed gate. Levi could read Eren like a book and Eren was afraid that Levi would find out the truth before he had even put his plans into action. He did not want to fight Levi but he knew that if Levi knew what Eren knew, he would never have admitted that he cared for Eren as much as Eren had cared for him.

 _“I love you too, brat!”_ Eren committed those words into his most treasured memory, never to be tainted by other memories that were never Eren’s alone. This was his and no one will take this moment away from him no matter what.

“I love you so much, Levi. Please be safe always.” Eren quietly murmured, making sure that nobody was within earshot to hear him. When the gates were finally opened, Eren spurred his horse into a gallop, joining the other green-cloaked Scouts venturing out once again. Eren pulled down the hood of his cloak, letting the warm sunshine and fresh breeze invade his dulling senses. He would always cherish feeling like he was just Eren and nothing more.

Because in the end, it would only be Eren and his bad decisions.


End file.
